Navigating Social Media

 I have been thinking of how we would handle our children's use of social media for some time now.    I have seen enough on social media that would cause me to just say "Maybe when you graduate."

There were a few things that I was absolutely positive of:

1.  The question wouldn't be "how old do they have to be?" for any privilege.  It would be, "are they ready for this?"

2.  "Ready" would not be defined as our children having full reign over a social media account of any type.  I believe that "Training a child up in the way that he should go..." means more than just teaching them the Bible.  There would be an unspecified training period for use of social media.

3.  Our expectations would be spelled out clearly and made available for reminders.  There would be a contract for our use of digital devices.    If you like this idea, here is a sample to give you an idea.  You can print this out for yourself, or you can create your own: Family Digital Covenant of Conduct

4.  Social Media use would be a privilege, and not a right.  There was no such thing as social media when I was growing up and I survived.  If we have to remove it for any reason - they will survive too.

Our oldest turned 13 this week.  The question of course came.  "I'm turning 13.  Can I have a Facebook & Instagram now?  What about Snapchat?"  After much consideration, we decided that we would allow her the opportunity to have an Instagram.  She would not be jumping into Facebook & Snapchat right away.  I created her an account on her ipod, and then I synced her account onto my phone.  For the time being, she is not allowed to post anything without running it past her father or I.  Any direct messages that come to her, will also send a notification on my phone.  Yep.  I'm that parent.

I know that some of you are thinking, "are you crazy?" , or "she is going to hate you. or"why didn't you just say no?"  The answer is of course yes to the first question, and  hopefully no to the second.  The answer to the third question is that yes, saying no would have been the easiest option for us, but it wouldn't prepare her for the day that she would be ready.  There is never going to be an age where I will feel that she is just "ready".  She will always need to prove to me with her character that she is ready, and prove that she can handle it. I didn't just get my drivers license when I turned 16 because I turned 16.  When I turned 15, I was given a drivers permit that allowed me to work on the skills I needed to be a safe & responsible driver.  I had to pass a written and skill test to prove that I could handle the responsibility.  Then and only then was I granted my drivers license.  I have chosen to treat social media use the same way.

There will come a day when our daughter gets to choose for herself what forms of social media she engages in, and there won't be anyone keeping a watchful eye on her.  Today is not that day.  Tomorrow won't be either.  Will it come within a year?  I doubt it, but she could surprise me. For now, we will navigate this together.